May, The month of misery.

They say May is the month of joy, they say May is the month of marriage. But for me, May is always a month that I tend to dislike. The simple reason is that, every year, those worst things will happen to me this very month. I don't know what did I do in my past life on this particular month but everything just went wrong this month!!

How do I begin? Let see.. This month, I found out that I am forced to go Ecotrip in June 21st. Other than that, I need to do a job attachment in June for my universities applications. Worst still, I thought I will be doing it with Pharmaniaga, BUT today I found out there's problems and I can't proceed with my plans. Now, I need to get in touch with local hospitals or pharmacy for my job attachments. Then, even worse, I had my chemistry semester exam yesterday which is 2 1/2 hours, consisting of 2 papers. Oh My Gosh!! The moment I stepped out of the lecture hall, I knew I had flunked it!! It's not what I had expected. I had done past year papers but turns out the past year papers are different board! The past year paper is OCR board whereas the semester test papers are Cambridge!! I can't believe it!! Anyway, I told my mum and she said now I had got the taste of how the real A-level is like, I can know how to tackle it.

Today, we had a meeting where we are told we had to move into different chalets after the semester break. I am so comfortable with my chalet and it is near the academic blocks!! Why?? Apparently, we had to move into respective house village so that our housemaster can monitor us! Makes no sense!! We are 18 years old and even though they group the girls together, what about the boys??

Hah.. I am so stressed out!! But now, after talking about it I've feel better. I won't be beaten by changes and disappointment!! I am strong!! I am unbeatable by things like this!! Yeah!!

No matter how dark things seem to be or actually are, raise your sights and see possibilities-always see them, for they are always there.

Eco-trip?!

Life is complicated, isn't it?? Full of so many decisions to make by yourself, not having anyone to help you decide as you grow up. The thing is that, this is life and although you hate it, it will keeps going on and on.

I learnt it this year, actually I learnt so many things that I am not exposed to this year. The simple reason is, I am not staying at home anymore. Mum and Dad cannot make decisions for me anymore. If I decided to not go to classes, nobody will lecture me anymore and nobody cares. Sadly, this is what grown up life gonna be like. You are on your own. The decisions that I have to make can seriously affect my everday life, believe me or not. Ranging from whether or not to go for meals at our very own Dining Hall to going ecotrip, I can spend hours to weeks trying my very best to decide. The whole thing seems simple but it's not. I am dead serious. Sometimes i really feel like running away from all of this. Yeah, it's irresponsible and I admit I am still a child. How can you expect someone to just grow up over few months of staying independently?

Everyday, I will be having the same problem, deciding... deciding... deciding... Today, I decided to tell the teacher in charge that I will not be going to Ecotrip, which is in Perlis State Park and 400km+from our very own Lembah Beringin. I gathered my courage and spoke to her. Then, she asked for my reason of not going and said it will be very useful for our Biology Syllabus. I gave reasons like job attachment and transport problems which are true because we will be coming back on a weekday and very hectic for my dad to come and pick me up as he is working. Then, she keeps trying to convince me and finally, I agreed to go. Huh??? Wierd, right?? The truth is that, I can't stand people convincing me. I am a very soft-hearted person and if you keep convincing me, I will naturally agree. Well, this will only work if it is not something which is very very important to me. I have my limits in doing things and if that particular matter is off-limit, I will not agree no matter what.

Anyway, I came out and I feel like slapping myself on my head!!! Argh!!! I should have said no just now because that was what I planned to do, isn't it? Now, I got no choice but to go to that faraway trip.It might be fun but I had never stayed in jungles before. Okay, I know I am studying in some sort of jungle area but they have facilities here, individual rooms and bathrooms. I sure hope Perlis State Park have private bathrooms because if it doesn't, they will have some hygeine problems with me. We are staying there for 4 days and 3 nights. For me, it is a very long time. We will depart from college at Sunday, 21stof June,7pm and will be coming back 24th of June, I think. I will only got to go home at maybe 5pm. It's the semester break and I have to put up with such a bummer!!!

Phew, got that one out of my mind already. Hmm.... Wait a minute, it is still in there. I am now planning how to escape from this trip!

What goes around, Comes around?!

Recently, I have done a moral presentation on Taoism, it caught my attention of one of their beliefs.. Yes.. I am not a Taoist! Ok, back to the main topic.
There's this Wu Wei belief. They believe that what you have done to other people, will affect you back. In other words, Karma.. I always believe that how much effort you have put in, how much you are going to get in the end. BUT!!! Not in this case. For my semester exam, I did not do badly but it is not what I expected. I studied 6 hours a day and I do my studies constantly, NO LAST MINUTE WORK!!! And yet, my result.....
When I get back my first paper, which is Mathematics, I got an A.. Happy, of course.. Then, for Biology paper 1 I got an A too! Yippee!!!! The next day, I got back my psychology paper, which turns out to be an A.. Then comes the downhill...
My Biology paper 2 and paper 3 is horrible.. And because of that, I got a C for my semester!! Malaysian study, Oh Gosh!! I failed!!!! I got 14/30 which means I will pass if I get one more mark!!! Fortunately, I passed my Moral Studies. It's not like I did not study Malaysian Study, believe me.. I started reading few days before my exam.. And for Biology, I always revise and revise. When I know what I got, I was devastated and feel like vomitting!!
That's why I am so emo this week. Not because people trigger me, but rather I am having the SECOND WORST week in KYUEM. Anyway, I told my parents and I think they did not blame me but still, I felt guilty for doing badly after all they had paid to send me here. Well, I guess I just have to do well next time. I CAN DO IT!!!!
To all who had done well, be proud of yourself and continue your effort!

Looking Back

It's been about half a year I leave my secondary school. Recently, From 6 had started and most of my peers are going to Form 6. Yet, some went for college, like me.
I heard from my best Indian guy friend who is in Perak now to go University Tunku Abdul Rahman that one of my other best guy friend went to Tafe college and is currently doing Accounting. It caught me thinking that Wow!! I guess we are all going separate ways, huh?? In a glimpse, we will all be working in society, having our busy life.
Having nostalgia of my secondary school life, I still remember the times we spent laughing at silly jokes to kill time, hanging around together and spending most of our time together. Now, it seem so long ago. I wonder we would ever had the time to do it again. We all know that when we start going to new school, we make new friends and tends to forget the old ones. When I told Dal, she said it all seem so fake as we are so good that time and now we don't even have the time to contact each other. Yes, I agree with that..
These best friends are so hard to sustain because we move on in life. So, we can only keep our fingers cross that the friends I have now will last my lifetime.