Reaching positivity

So, you graduated from University with flying colours, great! Now what?

1 year ago, I was so certain of the path after graduation. I pictured myself doing my pre-registration in the UK and then by 2015 I will be back in Malaysia as a qualified pharmacist from the UK. Sounds rosy enough isn't it?

Well, until reality sits in.

The job I was offered was what many of my colleagues would fight for, by right, I should be grateful. However, for me, it was too much to handle. That job got me ill and in the end, I chose to come back to my homeland. Of course there was lots of disappointment. To be honest, I was disappointed with myself as well. I was feeling so worthless because I couldn't strive through that 1 year. However, that incident did made me rethink about my life. It taught me an important lesson about myself. The reluctance of growing up and how comfortable my life had been so far. It also taught me about kindness too. A big thank you to those who had stayed by me through the toughest period of my life and respect my decision.

Coming back home, I had time to carefully think about what the next step will be and after 2 months of rest, I decided it is time for my to get my life rolling again. I waited for my posting in the government setting but because I came back later than most of my cohorts, I waited for a long long time. In the end, I decided to give private firm a go and who knew, I got the job. Unlike the first time, I did not give a confirmation there and then because I would like to take a step back and think before making any hasty decision again. There were times where I started to doubt again, will the same thing happened again? I was very afraid. However, I realised I cannot stay stagnant forever and so, I decided to accept the job. I was anxious during the first day due to previous experiences, but slowly I was able to start accepting the job. Just when I started to finally settle down with a routine, I was hospitalised for acute appendicitis and have to be on medical leave for almost 3 weeks. I was actually very very down because after all that effort I have put in to make myself settle down, now I have to start from zero again?!

Someone dear to me told me, I do not need to force myself to accept the fact. Slowly, I will eventually accept it without knowing it. It is not like I dislike the job. It is more like I hate living alone. This is the time where I need to embrace positivity. By telling myself this is much better than doing it in the UK as I can at least go back home during the weekends. For me, positivism is very important. I really do not want to go back that emotional blackhole. So this post is a reminder for myself whenever I feel on the low side. This is just a phase. You have done it before, so you can do it again :) Give yourself time and eventually you will get there!